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How easy and sweet is the life of a squirrel!

You don’t need a flat, mortgage, car, shiny trinkets, luxurious brands, personal reputation, education, struggle, effort, lawyers, financial advisors, accountants… expensive vacations at the Carribean, visiting VIP parties, to seem trendy, stressful jobs, building career for years, like an ant, living in eternal fear of loss…

You don’t need a cellphone, a perfect surveillance bug, which you wear in your pocket voluntarily all the time, so the rats can track you all the time… a computer, destroying your body and mind… Internet, full of nasty porn and its information overload, fake social media, full of lies and illusions… fake friends, intoxicants, making you addicted… television, corrupted entertainment… losing time with mediocre losers, pretending friendship and affection, to be loved and accepted by those worthless fools… fucking with rubber protection, not to catch some nasty STD, to be “safe”…

You don’t need glossy magazines, instructing you, what to wear, what to think, what to be, to be acccepted into the society, to have friends, not to feel alone… if you are a squirrel, you don’t need friends!

If you are a squirrel, you don’t need Militarized Police, masking their face cowardly with balaclavas, carrying batons, tear gas, pistols, assault rifles, armored carriers, deploying snipers and massive surveillance apparatus, allegedly for your protection and protection against so called terrorists, an artificially created concept, to blame all problems on those violent fools, to designate them as public enemies conveniently, and if you won’t be a good citizen, the rats will label you as a terrorist too…

As a squirrel, you don’t need treacherous politicians, allegedly working for your welfare, and you vote for them, massaged by the media propaganda, like a fool, trusting their fake sweet promises and lies every four years, before general elections, when the political parties invest millions, to persuade the naive dumb sheep, like you, so they can rule…

And you will be submitted fool, who feels like a king on the pay day, when you think, that you rule the world, with some banknotes in your pocket, before all the rats will show their palms, and you will have to pay, pay, pay… and you will realize, that all those dreams about shiny cars and white villas on the beach, which keep you alive, which keep you going, will hardly materialize, ever, because you were born as a loser, and regardless of your education, titles and work position, you are still a submitted fool, it’s your destiny… only few of blessed ones will make it into aristocracy, nobility, royalty… but you are not one of them.

If you are a squirrel, God gave you all, what you really need. It doesn’t seem much, but it’s perfectly sufficient: furry tail, so you can warm yourself and use it for stabilization of your body during jumps from branch to branch… flexible limbs with claws, so you can climb trees and look for nuts and other goodies on the ground… and when the night falls, you simply find a place high in the trees, in safety, where you sleep for free, with your head totally clean in the morning, so you can truly enjoy life, without all that burdens…

You live in the most calming, healthy environment: a green forest. If there is lack of food, you simply move elsewhere, you don’t need to pack your things and organize moving operation, you don’t have to register at some Police station, so the state rats have perfect overview of your movements and residence… you always have everything you need with you, you have full freedom, no borders and limitations exist for you!

Unfortunately, you still have enemies, who want to kill you: birds of prey, predators, foxes, owls, dogs, cats… and particularly humans, who destroy your habitat, who poison water, which you drink.

But fortunately, you don’t know about all this shit. You simply live, you live in the present. Who cares, what was yesterday? And who cares, what will happen tomorrow? You have no memory, and no imagination. You don’t need them.

There is a forest near Prague, the Czech capital, and a small ginger squirrel lives there, one of the many.

She doesn’t have a name: she doesn’t need it. She just lives, roaming her territory, in eternal search for food. She doesn’t build or create, she doesn’t have ambitions and obsessions, like you, fool… she is driven only by instincts… she doesn’t have an ego, personal needs, bold plans, or fear. She doesn’t have to choose a profession, a boring exhausting job, to make money, to be able to pay for all the shit… like you.

She uses, what she finds, it’s all for free, what lies in the forest… and if it’s delicious, she simply eats it, not asking anybody for permission…

And like many rodents, she likes to chew paper, manufactured by humans, and just now, she has a lucky day, she found a plenty of it.

It was originally a glossy magazine, which some human fool either lost, or simply ditched after reading… it’s too large and heavy, so the squirrel couldn’t drag it into a safer place… she simply bites its glossy pages, made from a high-quality paper. She doesn’t think, how it got there, what it is… she simply eats it.

The squirrel is in no rush, she has all day. She doesn’t care what date is it, what day, month and time, she doesn’t need a clock, watching it permanently, like you, fool… but she needs to be very, very careful, standing on her hind legs, to be taller, to have better view of her vicinity.

“HEAVY SLANDER, the best Czech tabloid magazine, April 2012 issue,” is written on the half-eaten cover, where a portrait of a beautiful fashion model can still be recognized, together with her name… but the squirrel can’t read anyway, and she doesn’t have to.

There is no government, to force her to do this or that, including obligatory participation at Grammar school, to be brainwashed by corrupted teachers, serving to current political regime as puppets, lying to poor children widely…

Like during Communist times, when those malicious teachers claimed, that the city of Pilsen was not liberated by Americans in 1945, but Russians in American uniforms… and recently, in postmodern times, that all humans are equal, races don’t exist, nations don’t exist, national borders don’t exist, even genders don’t exist, and who defends against flow of external influences, is a xenophobic, racist fool…

Yummy! The cute squirrel bites one page after another, ignoring all the shiny pictures from Czech VIP social life, scandals of celebrities, new or collapsing VIP relationships, adventures of Golden Youth of Prague, spending money of their wealthy parents generously, for drugs, luxurious cars, parties at Ibiza…

With her attentive eyes, the little animal interrupts eating often, to check the environment, if some predator isn’t near. But all seems peaceful, so she continues in the feast.

“NATIONAL FEUD FOR A FASHION MODEL,” a header of one of the articles says, whereas the squirrel eats its big letters happily, completely ignoring its shocking content, which made large disturbance not only in Czech pubs and cafes, but also in the highest echelons of the Czech society.

“A serious dispute just emerged in reputated Czechoslovak Models agency, when it was announced by ‘Fashion Model Guild’ of Czechia, that exactly this company, the undisputed market leader in the female beauty branch, will choose the most beautiful and shining representative from their elite portfolio, to be sent into Italy, where the most critical beauty contest will take place in September this year, as the CM agency concentrates the most impressive female fashion models of Czechia since 1990s.

Many modeling insiders expected, that Tereza Lipanova will be chosen unanimously, but the CM management announced surprisingly, that they are considering another female ace from their ranks too, although in comparison with Lipanova, this other girl is relatively unknown to the world, hardly comparable with Lipanova’s proven track of even international success, making her the most suitable for the September mission, which doesn’t concern only prestige of the CM agency, but the whole Czechia, as the chosen girl will represent the whole country, rather than only herself.

From this reason, not only fashion experts, even many politicians presented their opinions towards the issue, making amateur recommendations, which of the two considered models should be chosen as a beauty ambassador of Czechia, as much of the national prestige is in stake in this upcoming affair.

“In these contests, only the victory counts, no one cares about second or third place… it’s not the Olympics,” Tatana Kucharova, Miss World 2006, warned with very serious voice, and because of her ultimate achievement, she really has the right to comment the matter. “The CM management must understand, that this is not merely a friendly, meaningless competition of honor. If you are not able to imagine your girl as the ultimate victor in advance… then rather don’t send anybody at all! You could humiliate the whole Czechia easily.”

Now, the principal question is: should be an experienced fashion modeling warrior sent abroad, although she is too much known, too much famous… or rather to choose a black horse, who promises surprising qualities and unexpected results?

“If you will send Lipanova, I estimate some sixth or fifth place at best, hardly higher, and it’s definitely not enough, if we are talking about representing our sacred national flag,” Vaclav Klaus, the current Czech President, commented, when he saw the list of competitors for the Czech girl, together with their portraits. “There is no place for losers in this world… I would take the risk, and send the other girl. It’s like in a war, you need to surprise the enemy: Lipanova is generally known by the international fashion modeling community already, and dirty games against her can’t be excluded.”

All the fashion designers of Czechia, even aces like Natali Ruden or Blanka Matragi, rejected to comment the issue, and the reason is quite obvious: if they would present their support for Lipanova’s competitor openly, Lipanova, who enjoys the status of a Czech supermodel, could reject to work for them next time, even persuading other models to boycott their companies and fashion shows, as a proper fashion model is also a social leader, people follow her.

Lipanova herself escalated the affair yet more recently, when she threatened publicly, that she will fight for her alleged right to represent Czechia at the court, using judicial means to promote her alleged “righteous interests”.

Her lawyer, also a fashion model, Andrea Veresova (*1980), Miss Slovakia 1999, stated, that if the Czechoslovak Models management would made such an unwise mistake, and they would send the other girl into such high-profile international beauty contest, the eventual loss would become their full responsibility, and they could even commit a serious crime against Czech national interests, which could be easily quantified financially, in lost oportunities for export, elevated tourism into the country, etc.

Veresova announced with utmost seriousness, that in such case, she will sue the Czech state in the name of all entrepreneurs, who will be damaged by this mistake and loss.

“We want to warn the CM executives, that this special matter of higher interest far exceeds only some marginal female dispute in a cafe,” Veresova presented first estimate of numbers: full one billion CZK could be at direct stake, if the Czech beauty representative won’t finish on at least 10th place from 44 participants, making it into the finale Top Ten, which will receive massive media coverage and publicity… and this amount was commented by her as very, very conservative.

“I hope, that the CM management won’t throw this money out of the window, and this funds belong to all of us tax payers… imagine, how many flats for needy young families, how many raises of retirement money for poor seniors could be achieved with it!” Veresova said emotionally. “If you choose Tereza, we can guarantee you, that she will make it into the final Top Ten, with 92% probability, as our special survey suggests, and the money will go into the Czech state treasury safely… on the other way, if you will aim for the distant stars, like crazy fools…. you will lose everything, like mad gamblers, and I won’t let it be just like that… we are talking about national interests of Czechia here, and humiliating all the proud nation of ten million of people.”

Many media experts are suspecting Veresova from inflating the affair artificially and deliberately, to create a desirable publicity for her, to stay on social top, to preserve her celebrity status… and many Czech citizens strongly reject her, as she came from Slovakia, as a daughter of an aggressive nation, which openly joined Nazi Germany in Axis coalition in 1939, which established a sovereign state with regular fascist regime, called ‘The Slovak State’, which broke the union with Czechia treacherously, and fifty yeas later, in 1993, which insisted on breaking the joint state of Czechs and Slovaks, again…

However, several years later, in 1999-2000, when the first wave of hatred and denial of Slovak people in Czechia diminished, the relationships stabilized, the feuds and anger calmed, and when the Czech national currency got more favorable value, than Slovak money… the Slovaks, known as willing to emigrate into other lands for better wages, started coming into Czechia in masses, stealing jobs from the Czech citizens, called as invaders and parasites by many…

Moreover, the Slovak students literally flooded the Czech public universities, paid from money of Czech taxpayers, stealing places for Czech boys and girls, misusing a controversial decision of the Czech government, to allow Slovaks to study under the same conditions as native Czechs, it means for free, and getting cheap housing for certain, as the obsolete Czech college system preferred those students from larger distances, so any Slovak student got the college, whereas poor Czechs, whose parents paid for this accomodation from their taxes, had to pay high rent to some private owner…

It was probably a well-meant effort for achieving a brain drain, to secure elite foreign assets for Czechia, but this matter, it was originally presented as the matter of recioprocity, however, naturally, almost no Czech students chose to study at underdeveloped Slovakia, whereas tens of thousands of young Slovaks used this tempting opportunity, provoking xenophobia and hatred towards Slovaks again.

Anyway, we asked the Czech subsidiary of Kenner, Bach & Ledeen, a multinational law firm, whether such a special lawsuit has a chance for success, and whether the Czech taxpayers would have to pay the final bill into Veresova and Lipanova’s pockets, or rather into their luxurious Louis Vuitton handbags.

“This is a typical Lawfare approach, misusing law for private gains,” Iveta Klimesova from KBL stated. “The final result is not important here: only the waves it creates, and in the end, the Czech state will rather pay the money, secretly, like they paid that shameful 6 millions USD to those Pakistani criminals, who kidnapped two Czech girls, although the Czech state presented loudly, that they never negotiate with terrorists…

Anyway, it’s still better, than to deepen the affair further, losing trust of Czech citizens. It’s even possible, that a foreign influence group paid Veresova to stir the unrest, to disrupt the Czech national cohesion. Probably the omnipresent Chinese, known to widen their influence everywhere nowadays, using any possible means.”

Understandng the overall dimesions of this critical situation, far exceeding just company interests, Vaclav Dejcmar, the current official and “paper” owner of Czechoslovak Models, called the previous owner, who established the firm and managed it for twenty years, Milada Karasova, back from Tuscany, Italy, where she spends her deserved retirement, to provide an insight into the matter, as she is well connected to the Italian fashion world now, understanding its subtleties.

“This is the most difficult question,” Karasova stated. “I mean, to choose between such beautiful girls… both of them represent another type of beauty, but it’s hard to say, which one of them will be considered more attractive by the Italian jury, where also the famous Italian actor Michele Placido from well known ‘La Piovra’ TV series will be present… I made an unofficial inquiry, what type of girls he prefers… and I have to admit, that Lipanova could be a too aggressive blonde Slavic type for him, far distant form a common Italian girl, which has brown hair and brown eyes… exactly like the other girl in consideration.”

After all the previous parties made their suggestions without clear consensus, Vaclav Dejcmar asked his trustworthy aide, the main CM executive and a former fashion model, Katerina Motovska, to say the last word, letting her to decide the affair with final validity.

“If we will send Lipanova, the shining sporty blonde with utmost self-confidence, everybody will understand, how seriously we take the contest, sending the best asset we have,” Motovska presented her insider’s insight. “The jury probably won’t like this ambitious, aggressive approach, even the Italian media… if she will be too protruding, they could ignore our girl deliberately, to destroy us, to humiliate us, to eliminate our asset from the competition in practice… and if our girl won’t have the necessary publicity, she is defeated in advance, even without stepping on the catwalk…

No no, I recommend rather sending a Cinderella from a distant Silesian mountain village, which will have generally low expectations at the betting offices, let’s say, around 50:1… we need to make them think, that we are inconspicuous losers, who sent just some girl, so they will underestimate her horribly, letting her to slip into the finale, like a knife through hot butter… and to win the first place with devastating superiority, God willing!”

Many people appreciated this ingenious, strategic approach, even Lipanova herself, as this statement only confirmed her top qualities, allowing her to preserve her face and dignity, as respect is a critical value: if you don’t have it, if you let your public brand to be damaged and stained, you will go down from the stars, and soon.

“In such challenge, we all need to stand together, cooperating, like a team, when national interests are in stake,” Lipanova stated then, to be nice for all sides, but it’s the most certain, that if the other girl will fail, she will resume her ruthless legal battle immediately, saying “I told you!”.

On the other hand, if the other girl would win, she will play her best friend, who trusted her, supported her, believed in her from the start… a typical feminine deceptive game!

Anyway, the final decision was made, and the Czech Republic has chosen their representative for the contest with final validity, sending her personal file in a sealed envelope into Italy, using a diplomatic courier, provided by Ministry of Foreign Affairs.

“The dices are thrown… I challenge all Czech citizens, to bet on our girl,” Michal Horacek, the music composer, active in bettng and gambling industry, stated.

Under the media massage, sponsored by him, even the old ladies are investing their lifetime savings at the betting offices, to support “our girl”, like in those nice times, when the Czech nation stood together, collecting their money to build the National Theatre, coin by coin… and of course, in case of the girl’s miraculous victory, you can collect interesting money, as her current rate is 45:1… it means, that if you invest one CZK, you will get 45 CZK back, minus fees and taxes for those hungry rats from Ministry of Finance.

“I recommend to make this investment quickly, as the rate will go up soon, and you will lose a perfect investment opportunity,” Miroslav Kalousek, the Minister of Finance, recommended to the public. “Don’t forget, that you support Czechia with this invested money as well! I will personally bet 1.000.000 CZK on our girl! No charity this time, let’s make some money!”

Also various oracles, witches, tarot card readers and psychics are predicting possible result of the contest. For example, Petronela Lorencova made a reading, using feared Rohrig tarot deck with devastating spiritual power, and The World card showed up. “She will win, she will defeat girls from the whole world, and she will rule the world one day,” Lorencova insists with certainty. “This contest in Italy will be the first step to her ultimate fame and importance. She will make it so far, much farther, that anyone of us can imagine today. That is her destiny… set by God. It was no coincidence, that she was chosen… because unlike Lipanova, who let herself to be corrupted by gambling criminals in Germany, this other girl is pure, and blessed by God for big things…

There will be much of poison around her, treacherous masterminds, willing to misuse her, but she will make all snakes tamed… do you see, how softly she touches the snake’s body, so he lost interest in poisoning her? Love always prevails in this world, and she is full of love, well connected to her feminine side.”

We tried to speak with the other girl, Lipanova’s competitor, called Marketa Korinkova, but she rejects all the contact with the media, as she is fully concentrating on her University studies now: her graduation is close, planned in June 2012, and the education is the utmost priority for her, not fashion modeling career, and many appreciate, that she doesn’t rely just on her beauty, but also education and knowledge.

Also, her friends rejected to provide comments about her, to deepen the suspense. Only Zuzana Jandova, Miss Czech 2008 and her best friend, made a short comment: “You made the right choice.”

Christian Dior, a reputated luxury fashion brand, offered to provide costly glamorous evening dresses for the girl, so she can represent her beauty and Czechia appropriately. “We will gladly support Czechia in this critical contest, and the chosen participant has our full trust, that she will make it very far in the contest,” the brand’s spokeswoman said.

However, also a very disturbing rumor emerged lately, supporting the aforementioned theory about a subversive effort of a foreign force against cohesion of the Czech nation: as the girl was allegedly born in Silesia, a part of Moravia, a historical land of Czechia, she won’t represent Czechia, but Moravia, where many separatist tendecies are pending, and she probably feels as a part of Moravian nation, not willing to represent the oppresive Czechs, in fact enemies of Moravian independence.

“If such thing would happen, it can be very bad for mutual Czech-Moravian relationships, even violent street and pub brawls can be expected, and the Police forces should be put on high alert during the beauty contest, particularly in the border regions between Czech historical lands, particularly in the city of Jihlava and whole ‘Highlands’ territory,” an expert in political sciences warned. “I even suspect Moravians from orchestrating a high-profile provocation, to stir the unrest, to open the question of their separation in large. Who knows, what plans they have with the girl? But it could be very suitable for her future career.”

We tried to find, where the girl was born: in Silesia (a part of Moravia), or in Prague, as she states in her official biography, available at Czechoslovak Models website, together with her detailed physical stats? But even our insider police sources were not able, or willing to confirm or refute the presented data.

“It seems, that there is an interest on this particular person, and her data file is currently sealed, inaccessible, probably to protect her privacy… even I, as a lieutenant of the Czech Militarized Police, can’t open it,” one of the friendly corrupted police officers, who leaks classified state secrets, when bribed by us generously, informed us, very astonished…”

But the little squirrel was no more interested in juicy gossip and modeling conspiracies, as the wind just turned its direction, and her sensitive nose found some very delicious smell in the air, which needed to be investigated immediately!

She never felt a taste like this, and as squirrels are very curious and bold animals, she had to find this tempting mysterious goodie!

She turned her little head, and noticed a strange object close to her.

It was much taller than her, masked well, with black and green stripes, both on face and military battledress, standing there, just like that, without making a move, like a stone…

When the little animal assumed, that the object means no danger for her, she moved closer, and without delay, she started to climb up, as she could feel the delicatesse yet closer…

On the tall boots, on the right thigh, where a holster with an automatic pistol was present…

On the belt with High Explosive grenades, smoke grenades, flash grenades, to confuse an enemy during forced entry into a room, and inhumane incendiary grenades, made from white phosphorus, which can’t be put out with water, causing devastating burns on human skin, but very suitable to clear bunkers and fortifications, because in war, only victory decides, not used means…

On the corpus, covered with body armor and tactical vest, its pockets stuffed with gear: communications equipment, plastic handcuffs, to secure captives, combat knife, to be inserted right into the kidneys of enemies swiftly, strangling wire, to get rid of enemies silently, from behind, extra magazines, loaded with devastating 5.56 small caliber splintery ammunition, designated to disintegrate upon impact on fragile human tissue, to cause more serious wounds, as in the war, it’s more beneficial, to incapacitate and injure an enemy, than to simply kill him…

Instead of merely putting a body into a black bag, the enemy is forced to take care of an injured soldier, both on the battlefield, organizing risky evacuation, and home, during lengthy rehabilitation, exhausting his assets… plus, the mutilated “war hero” will ironically become your ally, calling for ending the war, for a peace treaty, like those Vietnam veterans, becoming a “fifth column” of Vietnamese Communist enemy in America…

On the G36C assault rifle with attached 40mm grenader launcher, able to shoot explosive projectiles against an enemy in cover, or to clear rooms…

On the portable anti-tank rocket launcher, attached to the soldier’s back, suitable against lightly armored vehicles and fortifications, very suitable for demanding urban combat…

On the grey shoulder patch with a black chess knight and number “102”, indicating, that the soldier is a part of 102nd Reconaissance Batallion, an elite Special Forces formation of the Czech Army…

But the squirrel was not interested in any of the equipment, she only wanted that well smelling food, hidden there somewhere!

She climbed on the top of his shoulder, understanding, that her target is in one of the countless pockets, so she started to search for it, opening one pocket after another with her claws, whereas the cold eyes were watching her from above…

And here it is! She found it… a chocolate bar! Just what she wanted! She took the loot into her tiny teeth, and moved back to his shoulder, trying to unpack the bar with her sharp teeth and claws.

She was very capable, and succeeed in struggle with plastic packaging…  yum! Still on the shoulder of the human, she started eating.

Suddenly, several loud blows could be heard from the distance, and the soldier, well trained from the dangerous mountains of Afghanistan, kneeled down immediately, together with surprised squirrel, still on his shoulder, both trying to understand, what just happened.

After few seconds, a loud beep could be heard, scaring the squirrel, who jumped down immediately, running away quickly, to find refuge, high at the nearest tree.

From the safe distance, she watched the scene, listening to a secret conversation.

“Zulu Seven Alpha, this is Papa Whiskey. New orders from Sierra Foxtrot Charlie (=SFC, Special Forces Command): interrupt your current operation immediately, and move to a car crash site, three hundred meters north-east from your current position, detected by our surveillance satellites. Investigate, and provide assistance to civilians, if needed. Airborne MEDEVAC (=medical evacuation) on standby. ETA (=estimated time of arrival) 6 minutes.”

“Roger (=understood), Papa Whiskey. Wilco (=will do). We are Oscar Mike (=on the move). Out.”

One, two, three… six of the soldiers started running north-east, to the unpleasant surprise of the squrrel, who understood in that moment, how careless she was, overlooking such potential threat: humans!

When the strange group of people disappeared, and the forest was fully peaceful again, the squirrel decided to take a nap after her very delicious lunch.

She didn’t have to pay a rent for anyone, to ask for permission, she just lied down on the branches… she didn’t have to ask for a blanket, she simply covered her tiny body with her own furry tail…

And soon, the little one was sleeping, her mind clean, happy and content, whereas merely several hundred meters from her, an immense international conspiracy was just having another round, where a beautiful young woman was, is and will be the main object of interest, for many upcoming years…

And one day, this girl will be so grateful to squirrels, who will save her life, in a forest like this… but it will be rather God, who will save her, and not only that time… she will need Him even much, much sooner…

God, the Most Compassionate, the Most Merciful, who will provide salvation and fulfillment for her, who will give her everything she wanted, even surpassing her bold girlish dreams thousand times, taking her far from her original homeland, into magical deserts of Arabia, where she will find a new home, and her destiny, under one condition:

That she will worship only Him, that she will become His fully submitted, devoted slave, servant and ambassador of the only complete and perfected religion: ISLAM.

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Alan Svejk

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