What are the secret ingredients to a fantastic, big corporate career, that many of us dream about? Is it enough to be educated, to have an impressive CV and Linkedin profile, and a look of an eagle in your eyes? To be hungry, hard working? Too many of our competitors own this qualities, so to reach really high in the ranks, we need something more. Some unique personal brand, and a suitable approach to all career matters, including precise psychological strategy, inner balance and detailed knowledge of people around, how they think, what works on them. That PSYOPS are really useful anywhere, as Mr. Joseph Svejk confirms with his utmost professional success!
The journey to the stars is zigzag, but if you miss some basic enlightenment, you will never arrive at your desired destination. Of course, that you can always start your own business, to liberate yourself from all that corporate rules and wild fantasies of their HR people about an ideal candidate. Why should you insert your fate into the hands of other people, anyway? Why should you let the corporations to dictate, how you should look, what education you should have, what kind of a person you should be? Where is the freedom and your destiny in all that ruthless pressure? What will you become, if you will just follow the opinions of others? Are you so weak, that they are your only choice, how to achieve a professional success?
If that is your case, and if you are willing to admit it, well, then you have to become a player. To win this chess game, you will have to be really good, original and even different, to protrude from the crowd. All of us have some weaknesses, and it’s too easy to be defeated and even humiliated, when we spend so much time going to interviews, but in the end, we lose our battle to some prodigy, usually a Millennial. That kids are really good, they symbolize the future of business in the eyes of the corporate HR people… so they prefer them quite naturally.
So, how to defeat Millennials literally, and to persuade any employer, that they should prefer you? The Millennials have weaknesses too, as Mr. Joseph Svejk will show us later.
But there is yet more. If you want to liberate yourself from painful comparisons with others, then you have to find your place, your own position, you have to claim your piece of land, where you will be able to become a ruler, a king or queen. Only then, a miracle can happen – that the corporations will start to perceive you as an asset. And how to achieve this? Let’s hear about that from Mr. Joseph Svejk personally…
It was just after five o’clock in the afternoon, but famous “Bierhanzel’s Pub” was already crowded, and beer was flowing in one big stream, that the waiters almost failed to keep up with waving hands of steady guests, who were always thirsty.
Between them, by the honorable table, reserved only for the hardcore guests, Joseph Svejk sat in his horribly unfitting vintage suit, to represent the elite business sphere properly, and he was just narrating to his companions, how to make a career in business surely.
“There is only one golden rule to keep, so the fantasized career success can actually come! I learned it on a top secret marketing course in America, which cost me ten thousand dollars! But I haven’t ever regretted this modest investment, it paid off generously, just look at me, where I am today!” Svejk emptied a glass of liquor, ordered kindly by some unemployed individual, as Svejk himself was not so long time ago. But now, Svejk had to be pampered, to reveal his business secrets and guaranteed recipes for a successful journey out of the current life mud. The whole table fell silent, and they listened to the presentation with almost a religious respect.
“They have to come to you, do you understand? Not you to them, with your hat taken off obediently, as it happens often, in all that infamous cases, when your eyes are lowered down and your desperate, stiff face is telling a loud sad story like give me a job, finally, otherwise I am lost!
No! On the contrary! You have to be a heavyweight, a king, a top, a specialist, a professional, an elite, a business nobility, and their own clever heads have to figure out, that you could be a real asset and blessing for their business operations, that you will pull them up, as I did with that originally miserable business, almost in bankruptcy, where I work as a marketing manager now!”
It was pure truth. Svejk, equipped with his personal religious literature, called “Marketing For Beginners”, that he always carried in an inner pocket of his suit, just beside a small concise bottle of liquor and government-issued identity card, he was able to push the clothing store, directed to female fashion, really forward.
Of course, that there were some marginal additional details of this surprising success, like very effective help of a high media asset, the chief reporter of the famous tabloid magazine “Heavy Slander”. In this respected magazine, there was a fashion section with high public reputation, where the outfits of celebrities were ruthlessly slandered, or, if a particular VIP had good relationships with this CEO, highly praised. So one small mention of Svejk’s fashion store was enough to start an avalanche of female interest, and the latest delivery from an Egyptian fashion manufacturer, called “Cleopatra Collection”, was sold out in 14 days. No wonder, that Svejk was now perceived as a marketing prodigy!
Not to mention the wide participation of Military Counterintelligence, which needed to place their asset here, Denise, to make a good cover story for her, called “legend” in the Intelligence community, so she could attempt to infiltrate the dangerous Corporation. And they used her colleague from Special Unit C102: PSYOPS, Joseph Svejk, too – to be inserted here as her superior, fulfilling his everlasting dreams about “being somebody respected”!
“So, what is that magic? They have to want you!” Svejk revealed the secret to his beer companions. “No, yet more, to desire for you, because they are in troubles! Only then they will come, and they will give you a tempting, even a generous offer, that you shouldn’t refuse, no doubt about that! Because you are their good friend, and you want to help them, to save them!” Svejk finished his advanced thought, and the table rioted with many comments, questions and declarations of enthusiastic approval.
“But what if I have no interesting qualification, no specialization, because I haven’t found myself in the life yet? But concurrently, I need money now, immediately?” some Tonda asked, a car painter, full of doubts of himself and his abilities.
“The essence of life is not to find yourself, but to create youself from the ash!” Svejk instructed him. “You could spend your whole precious life trying to find yourself, whole years and decades, you would waste your youth, and who knows, if you would ever find anything! You know the rules of life – more you try to look for something, more it evades you! So make it differently – determine, who you want to be, and then, search for the ways diligently, how to achieve this desired goal!
For example, my person! I started as a common shop assistant, as a poor apprentice in my home quarter Prague-Liben, I was nobody, and only with my own effort, I went up in the ranks! But the whole years I spent mastering my craft of selling to the last details, to know absolutely everything about it!
And then, the masters above quickly realized, that I am fully qualified, to advance further, and I deserve a promotion! But in that time, I already had the neccessary knowledge, firm as concrete, and nobody will take this from me, ever! Now, I will go only upstairs, but I had to start from the beginning, there was no way to change that!
So, if you have no special skills, no problem! Find a job, where you can see a future potential for your growth, and start on the lowest position. Don’t worry, it’s just temporary! Sonner or later you will assert yourself, if it’s your destiny. Just start building on a solid foundation!”
All steady guests around, blue and white collars, many of them with stagnating professional careers, had really something to think about. A very live discussion started, and many sure advices for getting rich quickly occured. One bystander offered an unique opportunity for Tonda: the direct participation in a miraculous Ponzi scheme, and another benefactor offered a guaranteed betting system for sale, how to win in any casino, always. But all those efforts were surpassed by somebody, willing to sell a recipe for a secret chemical substance, allowing allegedly a fully legitimate multiplication of banknotes.
“Give me five hundred dollars today, and I will bring you one thousand tomorrow, if you don’t know basic chemistry techniques,” the secretive alchemist promised, and his eyes were sharp as razors, as he watched carefully, if the place is clear of all uniforms. When he didn’t stop his tale, and nobody bought it, they kicked him away from the table.
“You simply have to turn the situation to your favor,” Svejk resumed to his lecture, after a necessary beer refreshment. “Now, it’s them who are strong, who can choose, who can send away people calmly, thinking, that they don’t need you, because they are allegedly searching only for the best.
But what if you would persuade them, that by not hiring you, they are making a horrible, even fatal mistake? And why? Because their direct competitors will hire you, and they will use your special skills and talent… against this original corporation, winning their everlasting competition battle!
We negotiate with the HR people with too much respect and even reverence! That’s wrong! This miserable approach doesn’t help in our battle, it makes quite the opposite, it pushes us into a bad position of a begging loser! It is the same issue as buying your girlfriend too expensive gifts, and too often. You think, that she will respect you, that you will confirm your love to her… but what happens? She gets bored, she thinks that she owns you, you lose your strength, and she will be unfaithful soon, or she will run to some loser from you. Why? Not because of her – because of you! You corrupted her, you changed her!
Let’s add some masculinity into the interviews! Indicate to them, that this is no game, and they can’t just send you home and go for lunch absolutely peacefully afterwards, with a clean mind! Raise desirable doubts in them, whether they aren’t doing a big mistake! Make them think, calculate, awake an imagination in them! Show them clearly, that you are somebody, that you have an unstoppable potential!” Svejk finished his bold career suggestion, and emptied another glass of liquor, thirsty, completely exhausted.
“Enough of talking about work for today, friends! Now, let’s celebrate, that we are all alive, that we successfully made it through another day, and we have enough beer in the tanks here, so we wouldn’t die thirsty, even if a comet would fall down on our heads! Life is the most precious gift anybody could give us! And it’s only ours, remember that! Any fantasized jobs, money, houses or cars are worhtless in comparison!
However, it’s not harmful either, to have all those nice things! So apply for the interviews diligently, and show them… tomorrow! Play your games on them successfully, learn from mistakes, and you will have another dilemma soon, which great offer to choose! Quite a pleasant change, isn’t it?” Svejk smiled, and opened his favorite book.
“To be successful, you need two things: Ignorance and Confidence,” he quoted with serious voice, and added: “I have enough of both of this stuff, so it balances my alleged lack of Intelligence perfectly! I love this world, full of career opportunities for everybody… clever, or dumb!”